Do you know anyone who makes you crazy? I pastor a church of over 8,000 people. Do you think there may be a few crazy-making people among the 8,000? I work on a staff of over 200 people. Even though we’re all Christians, we can make one another crazy as we try to work together and try to pastor the 8,000.

There are the very sweet, very kind people who are incredibly slow in getting anything done. They can make you crazy when you’re working on a project together. There are the hard-driving task-focused people, who interrupt when you’re trying to speak, who think they’re listening while they are looking at their watch, and who drive you crazy because there are people messes all around them. There are the sensitive souls, who deeply feel other people’s pain and reach out in compassion, but who are also incredibly thin-skinned and easily offended.

And then there is me, the leader of the church, making everyone else crazy!

As I’ve often said to our church: “Do you realize that you are someone else’s difficult person? There is someone near you who is praying for grace to deal with you!” We are all crazy-making people for someone else. We’re tough when we need to be tender. We’re tender when we need to be tough. We’re loud when we need to be quiet, and quiet when we need to speak up.

So how do we deal well with crazy-making people?

The first step is drawn from doctors’ Hippocratic Oath: Above all else, do no harm. If you can’t find the grace to get along, at the very least pull away and stop hurting each other!

There is a great story in Genesis 31 involving two crazy-making deceivers, Jacob and his father-in-law, Laban. Jacob believed that Laban mistreated him for 20 years. So he snuck away at night with his wives, children and flocks to escape Laban’s mistreatment. To hear Jacob tell the story, Laban has been an abusive tyrant while he, Jacob, sacrificially labored in the heat of the day for this horrible father-in-law. Laban had an entirely different take on their history. Laban felt that Jacob came to him empty-handed with absolutely nothing to offer. But out of Laban’s great generosity, he gave Jacob a job, allowed Jacob to marry his daughters and blessed Jacob with flocks and herds so that Jacob became a wealthy man. According to Laban, everything that Jacob had was the result of the incredible generosity of none other than Laban!

Here are two entirely different perspectives. Neither Jacob nor Laban could possibly convince the other person of their perspectives. There was no overlap in their stories.

We’ve all been in situations like that.  We believe the other person is entirely in the wrong. The other person believes that everything they’ve done was entirely right. So, what do we when we’re confronted with two irreconcilable perspectives?

I love what Jacob and Laban decided to do. They erected a pillar of stone, a boundary line between them. They said, “I won’t cross over to your side to harm you and you don’t cross over to my side to harm me.” Sometimes when things get really bad, we need to set up a boundary between us and the other person. Let’s agree together to stop writing one another upset emails, to stop saying negative things to other people (gossip and slander are never right!). In other words, let’s start by doing no harm.

Second, be self-aware enough to know that we’re part of the problem. There is only one person in history who has ever been able to say, “Can any of you prove me guilty of sin?” (John 8.46) and be certain that the answer will be an emphatic “no!” The rest of us always walk with a limp.  We all have blind spots. So we need to pray, “Lord, help me to see my part of the problem.  Where might I have offended this other person?”    

Third, lower your expectations and laugh! Until the Kingdom of God fully comes, we’ll all be crazy-making people. Crazy-making is remarkably democratic. Men are crazy-making and so are women. The old are crazy-making and so are the young. The rich are crazy-making as are the poor. Non-Christians are crazy-making and so are Christians. The educated, the uneducated, professionals and non-professionals, whatever the title is before someone’s name – guaranteed, that person has crazy-making potential! So lower your expectations regarding other people (and yourself). There is only one perfect, level-10 being in the universe, and his name is Jesus.  All the rest of us are far down the scale. I find life goes a lot better when I gratefully and graciously live and laugh at my own imperfections and refuse to hold others to a standard of perfection.  

Fourth, forgive what needs to be forgiven. Most of us are really rotten forgivers. Oh, we know we should forgive; we know we need forgiveness. But when the rubber meets the road and someone has hurt or offended us (or God forbid hurt or offended someone we love), we are dreadful forgivers. And yet, if Christianity is about anything, it is about forgiveness! So forgive fully, freely and constantly. Let other people off the hook before God. Stop playing judge. Live completely free of grudges.

Finally, believe that God is still at work through broken, crazy-making vessels. We Christians believe that our God is very big, a lot bigger than that crazy-making person. We believe that our God is very smart and he knew that we would be in this situation that we’re in. And we believe that our God is very much in control. He not only allowed us to be in relationship with this crazy-making person, but God can use this circumstance for our good. So let’s ask our big, wise, sovereign God to not allow the crazy-making circumstance to be wasted in our lives. Let’s pray to the Lord that this whole situation would be used for our good, for the other person’s good and ultimately for the good of God’s Kingdom.

‍