There are few things more painful for a parent than watching a child walk away from faith. As a pastor, I've had dads and moms break down in tears in my office as they recount the story of their child's departure from Christian faith.

"I don't know what happened," shared one parent. "She loved church growing up. She was so involved. We used to pray together every night."

"He loved his 'Action Bible,'" said another parent. "Now, he just shuts down when I try to talk about Jesus. He tells me that he doesn't want to talk about it."

Roman Catholics, mainline Protestants and Jews are doing the worst in retaining their young people. White Evangelicals, Black Protestants, and especially Mormons are doing the best in keeping their kids in the faith. Yet, even with these latter three groups, there is only a comparative advantage. White Evangelicals and Black Protestants are suffering record losses of young adults. Why?

What is it like to be a teen in America today? According to one of America's best demographers, Christian Smith, if you are a teen:

• You are probably hurting from some hard knocks in the past. Many teens have endured a lot of life hurt - sexual exploitation, divorces, relational betrayal, parental abandonment and the death of friends. Many have suffered a variety of other consequences as a result of their self-admitted poor choices.

• It is hard to see an objective reality beyond the self. Most teens are bound by their personal subjective experiences and have great difficulty grasping the idea that there could be an objective reality beyond themselves. Teens struggle to believe in objective morality. "Everybody is different" is a teen mantra. Virtually any question asked about any norm, rule of thumb or any belief is likely to get an answer beginning with the phrase: "Well, everybody is different, but for me..." In light of the above, most teens believe in the absolute authority of the individual self. Anybody can literally think or do anything he wants. Words like "duty" and "obligation" feel coercive and wildly outdated. Figuring out right and wrong depends on the particulars of the case.

• Drugs are a pervasive fact of life. Not everyone takes drugs, but drugs are readily available for the taking.

• Hooking up is common. The ambiguity of what "hooking up" actually means depends on the situation. But there are lots of broken hearts.

• While some are optimistic and believe in changing the world, the statistics suggest that most teens see volunteering and giving as something that they will do later on after they get a job and make a lot of money. Besides, helping others is an individual personal choice, anyway.

• Diversity is a hugely important value. Whatever anyone wants to believe is fine.       That's their belief. Religion is good, as long as it is general and accepting of diversity. Teens are really uncomfortable with anything that is exclusive. Narrowness and judgmentalism are especially rejected.

So, why are teens leaving the faith? Think about it. How many churches, much less how many parents, are skilled at communicating with young adults who are immersed in what philosophically would be called "soft, ontological realism," "epistemological skepticism" and "moral relativism" (even if a young person doesn't know what any of those words mean)?

What are things that are proven to keep kids in the faith long-term? There are some things that Christian teens do that are statistically not at all correlated with long-term faith outcomes. For example, attending a Christian high school or going on a number of missions trips are simply not correlated with having a long-term faith. (Sorry parents!)

What factors during the teen years are very important for long-term faith?

1. Having parents who have a strong faith - Faithful parents, who demonstrate their faith at home, especially during their kids' teenage years, have a strong influence on their kids' long-term commitment.
2. Frequent personal prayer - If kids frequently pray during their teenage years, they are likely to have a sustained faith.
3. Having their questions answered - Being in an environment where tough questions are welcomed and answered is significant.
4. Spiritual experiences are important to teens - Experiencing a miracle, having a prayer answered, and/or a "powerful spiritual experience" is strongly correlated with a sustained faith.
5. Having many supportive other adults is huge - If a teenager experiences other adults in their congregation to whom they can turn to for support, advice or help, they tend to stay.
6. Sexual chastity is important - Teens who have not had oral sex or sexual intercourse during their teen years more often remain in the faith.
7. Counterintuitively, teens who are made fun of for their faith, tend to become more committed to their faith. Shielding kids from religious rejection tends to weaken faith. Experiencing some pressure strengthens faith muscles.
8. A teen's satisfaction with his or her church and youth group is somewhat important.  

Vineyard Columbus has one major objective for measuring the success of its youth ministry: Do the kids who go through our youth program continue to walk with Christ at age 26? What do we need to do to meet this objective? The data suggests the answers: Vineyard Columbus (and other churches) needs to do a better job in discipling parents to live out a strong, vibrant Christian faith in their homes; we need to teach kids how to have a regular prayer life; we must offer an environment that welcomes and responds to tough questions; teens need powerful personal experiences with the Spirit; teens need other adults who can become faith role models; chastity needs to be valued; and teens need to be in an environment where diversity and inclusivity is celebrated.

I believe that the Lord is focusing the church's attention on teens, not only at Vineyard Columbus, but also across the Vineyard and across the globe. The time is now to make a difference in the lives of teens!

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