In America we have been taught from the time we are small that what comes out of someone’s mouth is really no big deal. We’ve all heard the old nursery rhyme, “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”I often wonder who the foolish person was who came up with that nursery rhyme because I would like to throw a few sticks and stones their way.
A moment’s reflection will tell us that it is infinitely easier to recover from a broken wrist or a broken leg than it is to recover from a broken heart or a wounded spirit that came about through hurtful words. Most of us can quickly call to mind words spoken to us years ago that resulted in our wounding: words that predicted that we would never amount to anything, words that predicted a negative future for us, words in which someone pointed out one of our flaws or shamed us in public. We can particularly remember hurtful words that came from the mouths of our parents.
I still experience feelings of great shame and guilt because of a rumor that I spread about a girl when I was 15 years old. I destroyed her reputation. I have no idea what happened to her in the past four decades since I said what I said, but every time I remember what I said, I pray that God would bring blessing into her life in the place of my curse. Can you similarly remember wounding things that you have said? Have you ever prayed blessing in place of your curse?
Christians, of all people, ought to respect the power of speech. At the beginning of Genesis we learn that God created the world by way of words. Ten times we read in Genesis 1: “And God said…” In the prophets we read the phrase: “The Word of the Lord came to [the prophet]…” over and over again. Most importantly, Jesus is called the “Word of God.” In other words, Jesus is the very expression of God.
Why are words so powerful? It is because words are the currency of relationship. When God wants to initiate a relationship with us, he speaks to us. Apart from people expressing themselves, we have no ability to understand them. That is why it is so frustrating when our spouse, our boyfriend or girlfriend, our roommate or our child won’t communicate with us. Words are the way we establish relationship and when we refuse to speak, we withhold relationship.
Proverbs 18:21 says: “Life and death is in the power of the tongue.” “Death words” are words that hurt and destroy. They cause humiliation and resentful feelings. “Death words” are energized by the Devil whose very name means “slanderer.” “Life words” build up and increase confidence. They strengthen character. “Life words” center on the truth and set people free to be who God intended them to be.
There was an incident in Jesus’ life when he cursed a fig tree. He said, “Cursed be the fig tree. May you never bear fruit!”The next day the disciples walked by the fig tree and saw that it had withered. When I think of “death words,” I think of words that cause our spirits to wither. “Death words” include put-downs and destructive criticism. “Death words” destroy someone’s confidence and make people feel worthless. Foolish spouses speak “death words” to their partners and destroy loving feelings. Parents, who could never imagine breaking their child’s arms, do worse by speaking “death words” to their child’s heart.
“Life words” are words of blessing. “Life words” encourage people to keep going. When someone communicates that they want to quit or give up, we can put fresh strength into them through “life words.” To our children we can often say things like, “Good job!” “I’m proud of what you did on your test!” “Nice game!” “I really appreciate the work you put in!” “I love you!” “I am here for you!” And, of course, we can authentically apologize and ask for forgiveness when we’ve spoken “death words” to our children.
But it’s not just children who need “life words.” All of us blossom when we hear life-giving encouragement. My life has been made immeasurably richer because of the “life words” of my friends. Years ago, I was fired from my first job out of law school. I tried to get another job, but my mailbox became filled with rejection letters. I became so depressed that I spent all my time in my home doing home repair. Anyone who knows me would know that that was a sign of serious depression! I hate home repair projects! A friend of mine came over and saw what I was doing. He was a life-giving encourager. He said to me, “Rich, I am not going to let you waste your life by hiding in your house and fixing your bathroom. I’m going to stand with you! You are going to get yourself out of your home and you are going to get yourself a job! Your job for 40 hours a week is to get a job. And I am going to hound you, if you are not out of your house tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m. wearing a suit and looking for a job. You are better than this! God wants to use you! You don’t need to let this thing beat you! You can do it! And God will bless you!”
God used the words of a life-giving encourager to change my life for the better. And God will use us and the power of our words to change someone’s life for the better. Respect the power of your words. Your words can wound; your words can heal.